I feel the restless need to isolate myself and rest, yet I can not because the sun and the vibrations remind me it is a day not to waste. You are alive. You may rest, but don’t ever waste it.
I try to feel joy but every day this darkness somehow finds its way back. I’m looking for ways to entertain and heal myself, as well as rest, and overall, it just feels like I’m locked in a maze, trying to solve a puzzle that I can’t even see. I feel insane. Yet, a different me would kill for a room to herself with solitude. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to bother her. Yet, I am back here again. Wishing for something else.
It is so difficult to be around happy people when you are in pain. But rather than resist it, get lost in it. Feel it with them. Experience joy, even if it is not your own. Your time will come. And then, you will inspire others to do the same.
I suppose that is what I’m doing now. Separating myself from experiencing my pain so that I may share it. So I can talk about it without feeling fear or sadness. It simply just is. It isn’t always. But denying its existence is more tiring than simply living with it.
Forgiveness is all around me. Each time it reveals to be a mirror, pleading for me to give the gift of it to myself. I have always given everyone all that I had. Why not do the same for myself?
experience joy. even if it is not your own.Tweet